Lion Tamer

One of my friends suggested that it would be useful to figure out what I do NOT want to do in retirement and take it from there. This is good advice especially as clearly other of my friends want to kill me. 

Lion tamer? Really, Ian? (Thanks for the link to the training for it though.) Also had someone suggest parachuting. For fun!

Let me be clear about something: I don’t want to do something “for fun” that could easily kill me. I don’t want to seem judgmental, but to me that is just stupid. 

So, lion taming is right out. I have cats. I know you cannot trust a feline. Duh.

If I’m in a plane that is in the process of plummeting out of the sky? Bring on the parachute! I’m totally in! But just to jump for no good reason? No. Eventually, gravity will win. (This rule also applies to base jumping—parachuting’s dumber cousin. Ixnay.)

Climbing Mt. Everest? Why? I mean, we all know it’s there. I’m not going to hike in freezing temperatures in a place where they use dead bodies as trail markers. “Head over to frozen sitting dude, then take a left at green boots.”

It’s no secret that even without a pandemic, I watch a lot of TV. This has educated me about other occupations I take a hard pass on: 

• Storm chaser. “Let’s drive fast through slicing hail to see how close we can get to this tornado!”

• Crab fisherwoman. Constant vomiting in violent seas.

• Alaskan gold miner. “Let’s dig a hole in mud, fall into it, and hope the excavator falls on top of us!”

• Naked survivor in some hostile natural environment. Nope on so many levels.

In fact, I learned all of that just from watching commercials! No need even to watch the shows. 

So the point of all this is to share, very clearly, something I would think would go without saying, but then, I forgot how quirky my friends are. Please don’t try to kill me!