Cold Case Detective
One of the things about retirement is that you don’t want to work too hard. Yet one would like to do something useful. Nothing fits those criteria better than to be a cold case detective!
If you read mysteries, you know that any time a detective is assigned a cold case, she is being punished. “No one else could solve this case for 20 years, so why don’t you waste your time on it instead of doing a more recent interesting crime! That’ll show you, you uppity ….” You get the idea.
However, as I know from watching True Crime TV shows, which must be real because they are on television, cold case detectives care THE MOST. They never give up. The victim gets under their skin! They won’t rest until truth is revealed and the culprit is brought to his long-delayed but still richly-deserved punishment!
The thing I like about being a cold case detective is, to be frank, it’s not that hard. I’ve done intensive research by watching every “Dateline” variation as well as “Snapped”. The job goes like this.
Read all the old files. Examine things like mug shots.
Think carefully about all the nuances of the circumstances.
Get a phone call with the tip that breaks the case.
Arrest someone.
Have hair professionally styled for my appearance on Dateline.
I figure I can outsource the arresting to an actual law enforcement type and I already have a great hair stylist.
So all I will need to do is read some stuff and wait for a phone call. Maybe do some thinking about the case, which, frankly, is optional.
Cold case detective is a real contender for a fulfilling retirement occupation.