Clarificator
Some people think I’m pedantic. Other people (or maybe the same people) have noted that I tend to be very literal. They feel that if they ask me “will it rain today?” and I answer, “do I look like a weatherman?”, that I should have known they were just wondering.
I once had this exchange with my therapist:
Therapist: What caused that?
Me: Geez, I don’t know.
Therapist: Well, THINK ABOUT IT!
See, what she meant was “what do you think might have caused that?” I, of course, answered the question she actually asked. I later suggested that if she phrased things differently, I might seem less recalcitrant. (If I had been able to catch these subtleties earlier, I might have saved myself a lotta money.)
As a grown-up however, I recognize that there is some truth to these observations and I have worked on being, shall we say, more liberal in what I accept (thanks Jon). I feel I can use my expertise here to be of service to others. I do have experience as an interpreter (a story for another day). I can extend that skill to assist others who are literally impaired (not literally impaired, well you know what I mean) to understand the world as it is.
I shall become a clarificator. One who clarifies.
Are you having issues responding when your boss asks when you’ll be done with coding that feature? (How could you possibly know that?!) Wonder why your girlfriend said “THIS is what you got me for my birthday!”? (Didn’t she say “I’d love anything you gave me”?) Believe me, I understand your pain.
I can interpret where you went wrong, but that wouldn’t be all that helpful after the fact. The key to making this occupation work will be knowing when my services are really needed. I don’t want people running every comment their boss or girlfriend makes by me before they respond!
I think my best approach would be one of training. I will take my hard won insights and package them into a few easy lessons. Something like “Knowing What People Really Mean” or “Question Answering for the Literal Minded”.
Maybe with an optional premium of 3 hotline calls for emergencies. Because there will be emergencies.